Friendship Loyalties?
Long time no type. Darn.
So I’ve recently had a pretty crazy weekend. I made fun decisions, bad decisions, but overall, no particularly important decisions (thankfully). One thing that I ended up doing, and I seriously regret for multiple reasons, was giving my ex boyfriend’s pledge brother a kiss. I really feel like I don’t need to get into the minor details, but I can honestly say on this blog that it was intended to be just a “wonder how this would be after being such good friends for awhile” sort of thing. It turned into a “pledge brothers side with each other in the most jerk ass ways possible” sort of thing.
When we all got back, my ex’s roommate/pledge brother let him know the skinny about his weekend. That included looking guilty and finally spitting out my mistake. Thanks a lot, jerk… not your business. Next time, try “you might want to talk to Sydney” before you go off and tell him I “made out” with his other pledge bro. “Making out” is a serious misconception. I mean, how did he know anything significant happened anyways? It was discreet and short. I see where my loyalties lay. Then, I later find that the person I made the mistake with was on his way to tell him what was up. Okay, seriously? You did it too, and the way you presented the information made me seem like the only person anyone should be angry at. After all these admittances and brotherly bonding, they continued to say everything I CONFIDED in them. That’s THE choice of words for what I did, because what I said to them was confident, from friend to friend. But the three of them pretty much asked why I would do that? They’re all closer in a weird bond than I could ever be with any of them. Sorry that I didn’t realize that when I was trying to talk, friend to friend, a year ago. So, they decided to share every little thing that made me sound like a bad person. With just the right tweaks, they managed to make me seem like a god awful person. Fortunately, I had the opportunity to talk with the ex last night to clarify a few things.
I’m just… appalled that people who I thought were my friends decided that anything could be shared with friends “higher up the chain”. What does secrecy mean to them? Maybe it’s… don’t tell anyone… unless you like them better than me. Knowing this, I really feel like I might have issues for a bit trusting anyone for awhile.
I’m really mad at the three of these guys right now. I wish I could have handled things on my own, especially considering how tiny the mistake was. I do not tell my best friends their problems or secrets even though I’ve heard a few. I try my BEST to stay genuine and trustworthy. I’m just really hurt and I wish that I didn’t hear the honest truth… that they don’t care about me enough to safeguard conversations during moments where I felt really sad and had to talk to someone. Forget them.
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